By the time I get this post done today will be over...Today was one of those roller-coaster days. I woke up happy, went to school and was happy, drove to the mall to discover I forgot my wallet at home, then came home, suddenly got depressed, and then ended up driving 100 miles going nowhere. Driving is my escape. I'm also a really big car enthusiast, so being able to use my passion as a way to relieve stress is actually pretty convenient. At least I don't have to use massive amounts of drugs to make myself feel better. The only damage done is the damage done to the environment by my 350hp rocket ship of a car.
When I got home from my epic drive I was surprised to see my Godmother, Godfather, and two of my Godbrothers. I love them very much but it was just too much for me to handle. I kindly excused myself to my room and have been here for the last 5 hours. Luckily I don't have class until 11am tomorrow so I can sleep in and hopefully feel a little bit better tomorrow. My social situation just sucks beyond belief right now. I don't have enough time and patience and you would have to be really bored to read my explanation if I decided to type it out.
I owe surviving today to a band called Tickle Me Pink. My new friend Matt turned me on to them and I'm obsessed. Especially with the song called "Typical". It just describes everything I was feeling today. I'll enclose the lyrics at the bottom of this post.
I think that to the two loyal friends I have left I made it look like I was close to suicide today. Maybe I was. I won't lie... I did think about it . I couldn't do that to my Mom though. She is the most beautiful person I know and I could never leave her on this Earth for a reason as selfish as a fucked up social life. As far as that is concerned I just feel like I can never keep my friends for long. I don't know if its something I do wrong or not. I try to ask but no one is honest with me. It's something that is really hard to live with everyday. It makes me really self-conscious. Which is something I usually strive not to be, and usually succeed. I feel like I'm rambling. I think I just have too much emotion running through me today to put a coherent post together. I'm sorry if you read all of this to find there is no climatic event. Hopefully I can make it up to you with tomorrow's post. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to dinner with my friend Eli, his Mom, his brother, my mom, and my sister. If I'm not this depressed I'll go and it should be fun. I'll keep you posted on that. Still waiting for my new therapist to make time to see me. You'd think for $120 an hour she would see me all the time, but supposedly there are a lot more rich fucked up people than I originally thought.
"Typical" by Tickle Me Pink
She struts up to me
She whispers my name as if I know her
But I never knew her
She asks me the time
Quarter to one, we go for a drive
I just don't know her
On the coldest night
In the darkest room
I will Sleep alone
Cause it's better than you,
Yeah, it's better than you.
You can play me like that
It's a matter of fact
You're nothing more, than a typical whore
And I won't be your fool
We go to her house
Flip on the tele, and ly on the couch
But I don't feel her, anymore
She asks me to bed
This is the end of my disenchantment
Now that I'm walking out the door
On the coldest night
In the darkest room
I will sleep alone
'Cause it's better than you
Yeah, it's better than you
You can play me like that
It's a matter of fact
You nothing more than a typical whore
And I won't be you fool, anymore
Maybe someday you'll get it
Perhaps you'll regret it
Or maybe you'll find someone else to accept it
I won't be the one.
You can play me like that
It's a matter of fact (4x)
One the coldest night
In the darkest room
I will sleep alone
'Cause it's better than you
Yeah, it's better than you
You can play me like that
It's a matter of fact
You're nothing more than a typical whore
And I won't be your fool, anymore
Maybe someday you'll get it
Perhaps you'll regret it
Or maybe you'll find someone else to accept it
I won't be the one
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